do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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