you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Dick very happy bro
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
