If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
