not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
