I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
