be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
