if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
farters have to be the big spoon...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
