A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
