I think I died a long time ago.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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