I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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