you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
