i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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