She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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