I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
