EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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