Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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