Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
