I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize