i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
