Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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