What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We need a shit load of segways right now
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
