Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
