you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
