So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
