I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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