i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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