my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Two words: blizzard sex
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
