Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
