omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
