yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
