i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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