Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
