the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
