the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize