I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
try to milk me bitch
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
