I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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