The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Dignity is for republicans.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
