Just mADE A PArabola og urine
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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