I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
