Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Send help, water and tortillas.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
