Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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