I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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