God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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