Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
