I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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