Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
