i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
