I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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