..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
