I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So much rum. So many feels.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
