The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
