She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
