Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Randomize
