No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
A+ Viking dick
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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