Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
