wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
