I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
