they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize