cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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