so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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