marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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