I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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