Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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