Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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