I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize