He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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