i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I love you.
Bad choice
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