stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The beer is more important than you right now.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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