It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
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